


Words of Encouragement!

by Lady_Blade_WarAngel



Series: Adventures of The Crazy [5]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, E-mail, F/M, Facescroll!, Fluff and Crack, M/M, RAVENS!, Slight Drag Queen Elements, Stumbler!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-02 23:01:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2829179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Blade_WarAngel/pseuds/Lady_Blade_WarAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brienne is tempted to commit murder in the office. Jaime tries to calm her down. </p><p>Their kids are getting into more trouble than they should.</p><p>Tywin and Tyrion are discussing plans for hopeful future heirs.</p><p>All done via emails!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words of Encouragement!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so Ravens is a made up, Westeros version of Twitter. Facescroll is obviously Facebook and STUMBLER is TUMBLR. LOL! 
> 
> Okay, I've been asked who the people that Arianne CC's in her email are. So I'm going to give as brief a description as I can so that you all know who that characters are, and a brief note on their history. As they may well show up in other parts of this series at some point, or at many points. So here goes.
> 
> GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org is obviously Arianne Lannister, who is Jaime and Brienne's eldest child. And just a little bit entitled. Hence her email address.
> 
> veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org is Galladon Lannister, Jaime and Brienne's second child. He's actually really tall, at least that is how I've described him, which is why I gave him that email address as a little bit of a joke, seeing as Brienne is taller than Jaime. The joke behind it is that obviously Galladon is more Tarth than Lannister. LOL!
> 
> the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org is Joffrey. LOL! The address is almost a direct quote from him in the show and the books.
> 
> Queen_Stag@westeros.org is Myrcella. Her address refers to her Baratheon heritage, as it is in this series.
> 
> catz_r_so_awesome@westeros.org is Tommen. His address is obviously because he loves cats. LOL!
> 
> thestallionthatmountstheworld@westeros.org is Rhaego Targaryen, son of Daenerys and Drogo. His address is a reference to the prophecy made about him before his birth in canon. But he is alive in this series. LOL!
> 
> smarterthanmysiblings@westeros.org is Trystane Martell. He is quite a bit younger than his siblings in canon. The address is my joke reference to the fact that I think he's probably going to be the only Martell sibling left alive once the series is over, because Quentyn is dead, and Arianne just isn't as smart, and has already done stupid things to risk her life at any rate. But it's literally a joke on what I believe to be Trystane's survival chances.
> 
> I'm going to put the rest in the bottom notes. I thought I'd put the obvious ones here and explain them.

Words of Encouragement. 

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

 **From:** “Brienne Tarth-Lannister” [btl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:btl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Jaime Lannister” [jl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:jl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Your sister

Jaime, I’m about to murder your sister. Some words of encouragement to deter me from this would be helpful.

 

 **From:** “Jaime Lannister” [jl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:jl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Brienne Tarth-Lannister” [btl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:btl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Re: Your sister

My dearest Wench.

I’ve told you before. Feel free to kill my sister. She’s a bitch. What did she say now?

 

 **From:** “Brienne Tarth-Lannister” [btl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:btl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Jaime Lannister” [jl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:jl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Re: Re: Your sister

She was telling your father how distinctly ‘unpretty’ Galladon is, compared to Joffrey, and how he should be paying more attention to Joffrey, and how Joffrey should be running the family business one day. How dare she call MY son unpretty. He doesn’t need to be pretty. At least he’s a man, unlike that little tulip Joffrey. God damn it.

 

 **From:** “Jaime Lannister” [jl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:jl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Brienne Tarth-Lannister” [btl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:btl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Your sister

Brienne, 1, he’s OUR son. Of course he’s pretty enough. He’s not a girl. 2, you got offended when I called Renly a tulip, but I can’t argue that Joffrey is... well... I don’t know what the fuck he is. He’s certainly a wimp, which is exactly why my father spends so much time on Galladon. He’s the only manly grandson he’s got. Tommen is too young to count yet. 3, there’s no Netflix in prison.

 

 **From:** “Brienne Tarth-Lannister” [btl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:btl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Jaime Lannister” [jl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:jl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Your sister

You make a good point. That’s the only time I’ll say it.

 

 **From:** “Jaime Lannister” [jl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:jl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Brienne Tarth-Lannister” [btl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:btl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your sister

Don’t worry. I’ll just keep the emails for posterity so I can remind myself you thought I made a good point the next time we argue about me feeding the twins junk food.

 

 **From:** “Brienne Tarth-Lannister” [btl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:btl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Jaime Lannister” [jl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:jl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your sister

You’re such an asshat. 

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

 **From:** “Arianne Lannister” [GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org  
](mailto:GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org) **To:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Joffrey’s a Dick!

Galladon, I need you to help me kill Joffrey.

 

 **From:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org  
](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org) **To:** “Arianne Lannister” [GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org](mailto:GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Joffrey’s a Dick!

1: Joffrey is always a dick.

2: If we’re planning on killing Joffrey, should we really be discussing it on e-mail?

3: What did he do this time?

 

 **From:** “Arianne Lannister” [GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org  
](mailto:GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org) **To:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Joffrey’s a Dick!

He tried to say we were of inferior stock to him. HIM! We are NOT inferior! He tried to say that Catelyn and Rhaego are trashy and then, THEN he said that only ‘trailer trash’ shop at Tescos! OUR MOTHER SHOPS AT TESCOS!

Also as an extra note, seeing as you are Grumpy Tywin’s favourite, he’ll arrange for the evidence to disappear from the system.

 

 **From:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org  
](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org) **To:** “Arianne Lannister” [GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org](mailto:GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Joffrey’s a Dick!

Grumpy Tywin?

I would say let’s kill him and bury him in Uncle Tyrion’s vineyard. But as Dad is always saying to Mum, when she wants to murder Aunt Cersei at work, there’s no Netflix in prison. So we’ll just sheepshift him when we have to go to Grandpa Tywin’s for Christmas. A week at Casterly means so many opportunities to make Joffrey’s life a misery. I’m sure Myrcella and Tommen and the twins will help. I mean no one likes Joffrey anyways.

 

 **From:** “Arianne Lannister” [GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org  
](mailto:GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org) **To:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Joffrey’s a Dick!

You make many excellent points. I always knew you were my brother. So, any other things we can do to Joffrey? I suggest putting sardines in his favourite suede Pradas. While we’re at it, we can put some in Aunt Cersei’s suede Pradas too.

 

 **From:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org  
](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org) **To:** “Arianne Lannister” [GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org](mailto:GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Joffrey’s a Dick!

All I can say is #Joffreythetulip will be in motion in the next hour.

 

 **From:** “Arianne Lannister” [GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org  
](mailto:GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org) **To:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Joffrey’s a Dick!

I’m so glad you’re my brother. I love you so much.

This is the only time I will ever say it. So treasure it. 

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

 **From:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org  
](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org) **To:** “Tyrion Lannister” [tyl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:tyl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Operation #Joffreythetulip is a go!

Subject tag explains everything Uncle Tyrion.

 

 **From:** “Tyrion Lannister” [tyl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:tyl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Operation #Joffreythetulip is a go!

I never thought I’d see the day, when my favourite nephew, decided public humiliation was necessary. What did Joffrey do this time?

 

 **From:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org  
](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org) **To:** “Tyrion Lannister” [tyl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:tyl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Operation #Joffreythetulip is a go!

He insulted my girlfriend!

And my mother.

And he said we were all inferior to him.

 

 **From:** “Tyrion Lannister” [tyl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:tyl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Operation #Joffreythetulip is a go!

Nice to know you have your priorities straight Galladon. Tits and wine first, then family.

 

 **From:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org  
](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org) **To:** “Tyrion Lannister” [tyl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:tyl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Operation #Joffreythetulip is a go!

Uncle Tyrion, I’m 12. You do remember that right? I’m not allowed to drink and tits are not the only thing I think about.

 

 **From:** “Tyrion Lannister” [tyl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:tyl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Operation #Joffreythetulip is a go!

You’ll learn my little minion. You’ll learn. 

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

 **From:** “Arianne Lannister” [GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org  
](mailto:GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org) **To:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org  
](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org) **CC:** “Rhaego Targaryen” [thestallionthatmountstheworld@westeros.org](mailto:thestallionthatmountstheworld@westeros.org); “Catelyn Waters” [theonlygodisdeathandblacksmiths@westeros.org](mailto:theonlygodisdeathandblacksmiths@westeros.org); “Lyarra Clegane” [puppies_swords_and_lemoncakes@westeros.org](mailto:puppies_swords_and_lemoncakes@westeros.org); “Edd Stark” [livingwithahead@westeros.org](mailto:livingwithahead@westeros.org); “Myrcella Baratheon” [Queen_Stag@westeros.org](mailto:Queen_Stag@westeros.org); “Tommen Baratheon” [catz_r_so_awesome@westeros.org](mailto:catz_r_so_awesome@westeros.org); “Trystane Martell” [smarterthanmysiblings@westeros.com](mailto:smarterthanmysiblings@westeros.com); “Sansa Greyjoy” [we_do_not_sew_for_boltons@westeros.org](mailto:we_do_not_sew_for_boltons@westeros.org); “Lyanna Greyjoy-Stark” [blue_wolf_with_tentacles@westeros.org](mailto:blue_wolf_with_tentacles@westeros.org); “Cassana Baratheon-Tyrell” [silver_rose_with_thorns@westeros.org](mailto:silver_rose_with_thorns@westeros.org); “Aemon Baratheon-Tyrell” [adopted_rose_and_stag@westeros.org](mailto:adopted_rose_and_stag@westeros.org); “Elia Targaryen” [vengeance_is_mine@westeros.org](mailto:vengeance_is_mine@westeros.org); “Minesa Tully” [more_fish_than_frey@westeros.org](mailto:more_fish_than_frey@westeros.org); “Olyvar Martell” [sunandspearandredvipers@westeros.org](mailto:sunandspearandredvipers@westeros.org); “Jojen Reed-Stark” [greendreamskeepmean@westeros.org](mailto:greendreamskeepmean@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Operation #Joffreythetulip is a go!

It’s time! That is all. No need to reply. You all know what I’m talking about.

Also,

THIS! IS! WESTEROS!

I’ve always wanted to say that!

xXxXxXxXxXxXx 

 **From:** “Joffrey Baratheon” [the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org  
](mailto:the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org) **To:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org); “Arianne Lannister” [GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org](mailto:GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Did you fuckers do this?

What the fuck are these pictures floating around on Ravens, Facescroll and Stumbler? You had better message me back!

 

 **From:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org  
](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org) **To:** “Arianne Lannister” [GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org](mailto:GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org); “Joffrey Baratheon” [the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org](mailto:the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Did you fuckers do this?

Do what?

 

 **From:** “Arianne Lannister” [GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org  
](mailto:GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org) **To:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org); “Joffrey Baratheon” [the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org](mailto:the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Did you fuckers do this?

I was about to ask the same question, but you beat me to it Don.

 

 **From:** “Joffrey Baratheon” [the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org  
](mailto:the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org) **To:** “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org); “Arianne Lannister” [GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org](mailto:GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Did you fuckers do this?

Did you put up pictures of me on Ravens, Facescroll and Stumbler? If you did I’ll make your lives a living hell!

 

 **From:** “Arianne Lannister” [GoldenPrincessArianne@weseros.org  
](mailto:GoldenPrincessArianne@weseros.org) **To:** “Joffrey Baratheon” [the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org](mailto:the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org); “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Did you fuckers do this?

The answer, dickwad, is yes. Yes I did. I put pictures of you on Ravens, Facescroll and Stumbler, when your mother used you as a mannequin and put you in a dress, when I was six. I’ve been waiting ten years to use them. BTW, don’t EVER call my Mum trailer trash, and don’t call me and my siblings inferior. You’re a Baratheon, and a whiny one at that. Even Renly has more guts than you. We are Lannisters. Also, my boyfriend can kick your ass himself. So can Don’s girlfriend. You’d best watch your skinny, whiny ass!

 

 **From:** “Joffrey Baratheon” [the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org  
](mailto:the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org) **To:** “Arianne Lannister” [GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org](mailto:GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org); “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Did you fuckers do this?

I’ll make you little fuckers pay for this!

 

 **From:** “Arianne Lannister” [GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org  
](mailto:GoldenPrincessArianne@westeros.org) **To:** “Joffrey Baratheon” [the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org](mailto:the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org); “Galladon Lannister” [veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org](mailto:veryfeckingtallforalannister@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Did you fuckers do this?

Screw you asshole! Galladon had nothing to do with it. He’d still probably kick your ass anyways. Bring it on bitch baby!

xXxXxXxXxXxXx 

 **From:** “Joffrey Baratheon” [the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org  
](mailto:the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org) **To:** “Tywin Lannister” [tl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:tl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** The family name is in jeopardy

Grandfather, Galladon and Arianne posted pictures of me on Ravens, Facescroll and Stumbler, inappropriate pictures of me. If I am allowed to be humiliated in such a way then the family name shall also suffer.

 

 **From:** “Tywin Lannister” [tl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:tl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Joffrey Baratheon” [the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org](mailto:the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** The family name is in jeopardy

Joffrey, you are not five. You do not need to come to me, telling tales on your little cousins. You’re eighteen. Act like it. I’m sure that they did nothing that wasn’t provoked. Don’t bother telling me you didn’t provoke them Joffrey. You always provoke them. Also, if you bring harm to my heir, the family name will not be the only thing in jeopardy.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx 

 **From:** “Joffrey Baratheon” [the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org  
](mailto:the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org) **To:** “Robert Baratheon” [rb@baratheonbrotherscorp.com](mailto:rb@baratheonbrotherscorp.com)  
 **Subject:** We’re being publicly embarrassed

Father, Arianne and Galladon have put pictures of me on Ravens, Facescroll and Stumbler to humiliate me. You need to do something about this. We’re being humiliated as a family!

 

 **From:** “Robert Baratheon” [rb@baratheonbrotherscorp.com  
](mailto:rb@baratheonbrotherscorp.com) **To:** “Joffrey Baratheon” [the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org](mailto:the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Re: We’re being publicly embarrassed

Joffrey, stop whining like a little girl. Even Tommen has more guts than you, and the boy likes playing with kittens! If you’re being publicly humiliated, deal with it. If you provoked your cousins, I don’t care. Either way, deal with it yourself. You’re eighteen, not eight.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx 

 **From:** “Joffrey Baratheon” [the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org  
](mailto:the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org) **To:** “Cersei Lannister-Baratheon” [clb@lannisterinc.com](mailto:clb@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Galladon and Arianne have humiliated me.

Mother, Arianne and Galladon got hold of pictures of me from the time you used me as a mannequin for your dress making thing when I was nine. They put them up on Ravens, Facescroll and Stumbler. Grandfather says I provoked them, but I didn’t! He also said if I bring harm to his heir I’ll regret it. He loves Galladon more than he loves me! Father says I’m being a whiny little girl! Do something Mother!

 

 **From:** “Cersei Lannister-Baratheon” [clb@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:clb@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Joffrey Baratheon” [the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org](mailto:the_king_can_do_as_he_likes@westeros.org)  
 **Subject:** Of course sweetheart.

Of course I shall do something, my sweetheart. I shall deal with it. Don’t worry.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx 

 **From:** “Tywin Lannister” [tl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:tl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Tyrion Lannister” [tyl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:tyl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Extra Heirs?

Tyrion, the idea of there being no spare heirs is rather frightening an idea. With Galladon as the only male heir that either you or Jaime has, if something happened to him then I might have to leave the company to that idiot Joffrey. He’s eighteen and whining to me that his cousins put up his drag queen pictures online. A boy of nine should have been able to refuse to dress up as a girl for his mother. He does have a sister. But that is not my point. My point is that either you or your brother, need to have more male children. I have considered Arianne as a possible heir. She could do in a pinch. She definitely shows more promise than Joffrey. But she’s hot headed and I do not wish to leave the legacy to chance. So hurry up and marry and produce heirs. Loathe as I am to admit it, I would prefer your children claiming my empire, to that whiny man child.

 

 **From:** “Tyrion Lannister” [tyl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:tyl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Tywin Lannister” [tl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:tl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Extra Heirs?

Father, if I convince Jaime and Brienne to have more children, who happen to be male, am I off the hook?

 

 **From:** “Tywin Lannister” [tl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:tl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Tyrion Lannister” [tyl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:tyl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Extra Heirs?

Yes.

 

 **From:** “Tyrion Lannister” [tyl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:tyl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Tywin Lannister” [tl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:tl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Extra Heirs?

Done.  

xXxXxXxXxXxXx 

 **From:** “Brienne Tarth-Lannister” [btl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:btl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Jaime Lannister” [jl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:jl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Jaime Tywin Tytos Lannister!

If your sister ever comes into my office again screaming about my “devil spawn” and how they are ruining her son’s life, ever again, I will kill her. THEN I’ll kill you for not preventing her whinging to me in the first place!

 

 **From:** “Jaime Lannister” [jl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:jl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Brienne Tarth-Lannister” [btl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:btl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** You used ALL my names?

That’s a little unfair. I didn’t actually do anything this time. Are you alright? You’ve been in a foul mood all day. Something bothering you?

 

 **From:** “Brienne Tarth-Lannister” [btl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:btl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Jaime Lannister” [jl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:jl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Life isn’t fair!

I might be pregnant. Took three tests. They’re all positive. We’re going to the doctors to find out for sure this evening after work. I’ve already booked the appointment.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx 

 **From:** “Tyrion Lannister” [tyl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:tyl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Brienne Tarth-Lannister” [btl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:btl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** What Happened To Jaime?

He’s passed out on the floor in his office. What did you do to him, sweet good sister? If you were sending him dirty e-mails, I’d rather not know the contents.

 

 **From:** “Brienne Tarth-Lannister” [btl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:btl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Tyrion Lannister” [tyl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:tyl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Re: What Happened To Jaime? 

I told him it’s very likely I’m pregnant again.

 

 **From:** “Tyrion Lannister” [tyl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:tyl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Brienne Tarth-Lannister” [btl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:btl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** WHAT?

Well... that will do it I suppose. Excellent! Now father can get off of my back about me getting married and producing extra heirs to insure the survival of the family line. I hope it’s a boy.

 

 **From:** “Brienne Tarth-Lannister” [btl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:btl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Tyrion Lannister” [tyl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:tyl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** Re: WHAT?

Go fuck yourself sideways Tyrion Lannister! With a mace!

 

 **From:** “Tyrion Lannister” [tyl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:tyl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Brienne Tarth-Lannister” [btl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:btl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** XD 

This is going to be an interesting year I think. See you at the Christmas Dinner good sister.

 

 **From:** “Brienne Tarth-Lannister” [btl@lannisterinc.com  
](mailto:btl@lannisterinc.com) **To:** “Tyrion Lannister” [tyl@lannisterinc.com](mailto:tyl@lannisterinc.com)  
 **Subject:** You dick!

Thanks for reminding me you asshole! I’d almost managed to push that into the back of my mind where my repressed childhood memories lie.

**Author's Note:**

> So here are the rest who are mentioned in Arianne's email.
> 
> theonlygodisdeathandblacksmiths@westeros.org is Catelyn Waters, the child of Gendry and Arya. Blacksmiths is a reference to Gendry, and the death God is a reference to Arya and the Faceless Men.
> 
> puppies_swords_and_lemoncakes@westeros.org is Lyarra Clegane, the child of Sandor and Sansa. Puppies and swords are a reference to Sandor and Lemoncakes are a reference to Sansa. Lyarra is the name of Ned, Brandon and Lyanna's mother (revealed in The World Of Ice & Fire) so Sansa decided to call her daughter that. LOL!
> 
> livingwithahead@westeros.org is "Edd" Eddard Stark the second, the son of Robb and Jeyne Westerling/Talisa Maegyr whoever you all prefer LOL! His address is a joke reference about Ned losing his head. 
> 
> we_do_not_sew_for_boltons@westeros.org is Sansa Greyjoy, the daughter of Theon and Jeyne Poole. Her address is a joke reference that Theon became Reek and started serving Ramsay, and Jeyne was forced to marry Ramsay, which happened in canon. But of course this didn't happen in this story, but it's merely a joke reference to the Greyjoy words and Theon's messed up-ness. LOL! She's named Sansa, obviously because in canon Sansa is Jeyne's best friend.
> 
> blue_wolf_with_tentacles@westeros.org is Lyanna Greyjoy-Stark, the daughter of Jon Snow/Stark in this story and Asha Greyjoy. Her address is a reference to the blue roses that were Lyanna Stark's favourites because I kinda subscribe to R+L=J in the respect I believe that Lyanna is Jon Snow's Mother. I've got my own theories on who his father is. The Wolf is for the Starks, and the tentacles is for the Kraken of House Greyjoy. Asha is frequently referred to as "The Kraken's Daughter" so it kinda fits LOL! Her name is Lyanna for obvious reasons. LOL!
> 
> silver_rose_with_thorns@westeros.org is Cassana Baratheon-Tyrell. She is Renly and Loras' daughter through adoption/surrogacy (haven't quite decided yet LOL!). She was named Cassana after Renly, Robert and Stannis' mother. She has a twin brother, Aemon, who I'll get to in a sec. Rose is a reference to the Tyrells, but Cassana sees herself as a silver rose, not a gold one, because she isn't a pureblood Tyrell. She's part Tyrell, part Baratheon. Rose with thorns is a bit of an obvious reference LOL!
> 
> adopted_rose_and_stag@westeros.org is Aemon Baratheon-Tyrell. He is Cassana's twin brother. He's named after Aemon the Dragonknight from the famous Kingsguard knight in canon, who existed way before the events of the series. I figured that was something that Loras might do, because... well... Loras seems like one of those guys who would have run around dreaming about all the famous knights, at least in canon. Rose and Stag are references to his two daddies and the fact that obviously he is adopted/born through surrogacy.
> 
> vengeance_is_mine@westeros.org is Elia Targaryen. She is the child of Arianne Martell and Aegon Targaryen. Vengeance is mine is a reference to her wanting revenge for the death of the grandmother she is named after. She is also the best friend of Arianne.
> 
> more_fish_than_frey@westeros.org is Minesa Tully. She is the daughter of Edmure and Roslin. The Freys are kinda dicks, and she obviously prefers her trout heritage to the Frey one. Minesa is named after Edmure, Catelyn and Lysa's mother. In canon, Roslin is pregnant and is wishing for a girl, but we have no idea what the baby is yet, because... GRRM is an ass and hasn't bothered to tell us yet. LOL!
> 
> sunandspearandredvipers@westeros.org is Olyvar Martell, who is the youngest child of Oberyn and Ellaria. Red vipers is a reference to Oberyn and his older sisters, the Sand Snakes, and the sun and spear is a reference to his Martell heritage. Olyvar's name comes from one of Doran, Elia and Oberyn's dead brothers. There were two, one called Olyvar and one called Mors. I liked Olyvar better and I thought it fitting.
> 
> greendreamskeepmean@westeros.org is Jojen Reed-Stark, the son of Bran Stark and Meera Reed, obviously named after his Uncle Jojen, and his address is a reference to how harsh the Green Dreams are on Jojen in canon. 
> 
> Okay, now that I've done that, I really hope it helps you all understand the characters just a little bit more, so that if they pop up at any point, you'll know who they are. (nods)


End file.
